"going through things you never thought you'd go through will only take you places you never thought you'd get to" -m.h.n
as the moon hides behind the clouds,
a child screams again.
as her heart races and her fingers tremble,
she aches for help.
…but no one comes.
she sees the demons in the corner,
she feels them leeching off her blood
…but still, no one comes.
shes prays,
she hopes,
she waits.
…but no one comes to help.
she finally closes her eyes,
and lets the demons take over her body.
and she sleeps clenching a knife,
praying that she can see the light again.
-emily morrissey
I n s e c u r i t y.
Did you know your hair looks like a rat’s nest?
Did you know my hair is my decision?
Did you know your teeth need to be fixed?
Did you know I can’t help that my teeth look like this?
Did you know your voice is annoying?
Did you know you’re attacking me on things I can’t control? My voice is mine and you’re just a voice in my head.
Did you know that you don’t mean anything to anyone?
Did you know that you don’t know me? I know I mean a lot to people, the fact that you can’t see it isn’t my fault but I know I mean something to at least one person.
I let you control me for years. Now I can tell you, you don’t scare me anymore. I now have the power and the strength to say, I’m not afraid of you. I understand that you will not go away. But in time I hope you understand I’m the one in control and you’re nothing but a voice in my head.
-Chloe
To My Ex.
I don’t know if I consider this revenge or retaliation
This entire time I called you my best friend, you were hatin
Played me like I was stupid; you were fakin
I was blinded by your lies, I was mistaken; For who you are, not for who you appear to be.
You turned around and stabbed the knife right through me
I always said life’s hardships wouldn’t matter if I had you by my side
This entire time you weren’t even down to fuckin ride
You play manipulation games with people who only had good intentions
Well karmas a bitch and I hope you get the fuckin message
I write this letter with tears running down my eyes
10 years of friendship down the drain, I’m saying goodbye.
I wish you the best with what life has to offer,
but if you ever need me again, don’t even fuckin bother
I am done being needed only when you create fucked up situations
I hope you starve from the lack of love call it deprivation
I want you to think and sit about the times you had it good
I want you to sit and cry about the memories as you should
I want it to eat you up so bad that you really regret letting me go
I want you to beg for forgiveness so that the world knows
And I promise myself,
I promise again, that I will never let you in my life
You were supposed to be my best friend now I’m saying goodbye.
-Chelsea Marie Rodriguez
Perhaps this is wishful thinking, but I thought I saw you smile
I thought when I told you that joke, it made you laugh for a while
When I said I had to go, you sounded a bit upset,
And it may be wishful thinking, but that got my heart racing like a jet
This might be wishful thinking, but I think you waited for me,
You waited in the hallway, just when you were about to leave
So that we could walk together for ten seconds, max,
And it could be wishful thinking, but that stopped me in my tracks
This is probably wishful thinking, but I thought I saw you wave,
Before I even spotted you, how’s that for a change?
You looked at me longer than you usually do,
Pardon my wishful thinking, but I think you might like me too
I might be wishfully thinking, but please, don’t let me stop,
Because with you, wishful thinking is the best thing that I’ve got
-Julia Conant
By: Xaniyah Sanders
I saw an angel fly
Her wings like diamonds cutting through the clouds
She was looking in a mirror, admiring her beauty I assume.
Though as I looked closer, I could see the fire in her eyes. The hurt etched into her face, the betrayal in the tears swimming around in her eyes.
How could something so beautiful, so strong, so powerful as her, look as though it’s taking everything in her to not fall. Fall to the realms of reality. I can tell she doesn’t want to go back, I don’t want her to go back. It looks as if whatever she has been through has ruined her. I can see it in the way she looks at herself. Even though she is an angel, she still sees every flaw, every insecurity, everything wrong with her. I look to her wings, shining with pride as they hold her up in the sky… away from everything she fears. As I look closer, I see that the diamonds are shaped like tears. Every teardrop is every problem, every boy, every person, everything she has ever cried over.
I look the angel over once more, afraid that when she leaves, I will forget she came. I take in her beauty and try to burn it into my brain, though something seems kind of odd. She looks at me in the mirror, and it almost seems as if she sees me… she does see me. She mouths something, something like “look down”
Why would she tell me this? I look around, then back to the mirror. Knowing tears flow freely down my face. I look down and the realization hits… I am that angel.
We are something even more than love.
Something fluid and constant
Beyond the sunny morning with
smiles of honey we are…
Together Forever,
We stand and though chained and beaten we are fierce,
Standing at the precipice of a dizzying fall,
so close, so far, we find solace.
Now Minds like a bowstring pulled taut against one’s cheek
A storm thrown generously across a horizon,
we stand hand in hand
with a mad God’s crazy war plan
Fighting the weather,
We remain partners forever.
-Sean Clarke
writing about you is easy.
i miss the sweetness of our love
before it turned sour.
both inexperienced,
but you still wanted more than i could give.
everything came much too early,
and i think we’re both to blame.
the truth is,
i wasn’t looking to love you.
i was looking to love something.
societal pressures to be in a state
of young love got to both of us.
“i love you,” you said.
it wasn’t just the words you said
but it was when you said them.
it’s silly to have words like that
have a hold on you, but they do.
since i had a hard time showing love,
you assumed i had no love to give.
your blatant jealousy burned me,
even though i once held the same match.
everything about us was dangerous.
when the fire erupted,
i was the first to douse the flames.
now here i sit in the ashes,
trying to imagine various “what ifs?”
soon enough, i’ll have the strength to start sweeping our mess.
-imani fudl
/
It was you, it was always you.
When I first met you,
I had no idea how much I would love you.
When I first saw you,
I couldn’t bear to imagine my life without you.
You were always such a great person to me.
It was hard to let you be with someone else other than me.
My feelings for you will always be the same,
Nothing can ever change.
We’re working on ourselves right now,
We’re lost in two universes,
Oh, how crazy does that sound?
I hope one day you will see the love I have for you,
The love that I know you so desperately need.
I wanna make you happy,
But you’re so caught up in the drinking,
That it’s so blurry for you to see.
You bottle up your emotions in the bottles,
That you end up chokin’.
I wish I can be the comfort you look into,
When you’re smoking or when you contemplate
How to stay in the right sexual desire motion.
You’re hurting, and I’m hurting too,
Wouldn’t it be wonderful,
If we could turn our hurt into something new?
I hope one day we can be together,
And make things for us so much better.
I’ll wait for you,
Cause good things in life never come in two.
Our love will show one day,
And when it does I just hope we’re ready to do things right.
I care about you,
More than you ever knew.
Yeah, it was you,
And it will always be you.
…Kelsey Rodriguez
Well…
Time is like…on a clock and shit
Okay no though…for real. I love time because time changes people, places, and things. All the nouns sister!
I can go to the Eiffel Tower in Paris tonight and it will look gorgeous. I can go to the Eiffel tower 50 years from now and it can be high-tech. I can go to the Eiffel Tower 75 years from now and it can be an empty plot of land. Isn’t that amazing?
Time made me a better person I think. At the beginning of this year, I wrote some edgy stuff in my journal! Here’s something from January 19th of this year:
“I just want to be able to say that I did it but right now I feel stuck. I want to keep moving forward. How do I do that? Why is that so difficult?”
It’s crazy because I remember this day. I was working nine hours a week at the public library (not a lot… shout out to the boy Cuttino), applying to colleges, going to school as a senior, working as the NHS President without an advisor, working as a peer mentor, being an anchor for Gladiator Productions, taking two college courses…I mean not to be a baby, but that was hard! And the worst part is that a lot of people were counting on me. And one of my worst fears is letting people down. But I’m a pusher, I push people. Well I push myself, usually to my limit. And don’t get it twisted shistar I was t h r i v i n g. But I felt myself giving in to a lot of things, sacrificing all my time, not speaking up for myself, not standing up for myself, and getting into conflicts with my closest friends at the time.
And I fell apart.
I remember this kid in my grade named Devin. And he told me that his goal in life was to be selfless. And I thought that was neat. So in my head, I’m like…I want to be like that. I want to help the world or in smaller terms…my school so it can be a better place. But I think I misunderstood what he meant, or maybe I didn’t. All I know is that this wasn’t working. I was no longer t h r i v i n g.
And while this was happening, my emotions were set aside. It was all of the praise that I was getting during that time that pushed me forward. And praise is a good thing, but it blinds you to how you’re truly feeling. That oxytocin boost is not it. Because I would say to myself, “Keep it up, this is good you’re doing great everyone says so.” I’m succeeding, but am I? What’s a successful life if you’re not happy?
I hit Rock Bottom. And for me, Rock Bottom is r o u g h. As you’d imagine. But falling is easy, I had to get back up. It was March, and I was running out of time.
If I had decided not to get up, I could’ve stayed unhappy. I could’ve dropped out of the ECE history class, and ditch Ms. Yoga’s discussions. I could’ve dropped Leduc and kissed bridge building goodbye. I could’ve stepped down as National Honor Society President and let someone else organize the blood drives. I could’ve quit the news team, the mentoring, and my job.
But I didn’t want to.
So what did I do? I took advantage of TIME. I found time to journal, I made time to write gratitude lists, I stopped time (in my head) to watch Shane Dawson videos and relax. I saw a therapist (shout out to my boy Sqwak Sqwak the Parrott). I laughed at myself and at everything. I went out of my way to talk to friends. I started standing up for myself, setting boundaries, and learned how to say “no”. The most underrated part of healing your wounds? Cryinggggg. Yo, no gas like crying is QUITE the release I wish I had a cry counter because the senior year was the best. And I mean that wholeheartedly because it really was.
And where did I end up? I ended the year with a ninety-eight on my final paper. I passed Leduc with the grace of the Lord himself. I got into almost every college I applied to (thanks for the waitlist, Seattle University). I ended up at the top ten (number eight babyyyy!). I was almost late for my graduation!!! But I walked the stage as a baddie with the fatty that I am.
So my advice to seniors? Keep going. Finish your papers, do your Aleks, murder your DSAs. Because once the clock winds down, everything starts to feel like the end of the world. Your friends apply to different colleges. You get a heavy strain of senioritis. You become a single body in a bullet train speeding for the FUTURE. But to you, every day feels like time is moving as slow as molasses. Trust me it’s not. Time keeps going, so it is your duty to follow suit. In the blink of an eye, you’re going to be sitting at Welte Hall (at Central, the best school in Connecticut) in your cap and gown. Cherish your moments, live through your experiences and remember…
Don’t lose track of time.
Oh boy, this is going to be a post that will leave the pads of my fingers calloused. I am way too passionate about this.
Let me set the scene:
I am six years old. I am in front of my old Gateway model computer with my brother, Ahmed. We’re both looking at the screen, enticed by what was unfolding right in front of our eyes: The Chunin Exams. Ino Yamanaka and Sakura Haruno (“worst” girls) have simultaneously punched each other in their empty skulls, ending the round in a draw. Yikes.
Naruto is a series that began airing on October 3rd, 2002. The first installment of the show, simply entitled Naruto went on for a little under five years, ending in early February of 2007. Kicking off a few days later, the second installment, Naruto: Shippuden began airing. The story lasted a solid ten years, cementing its place as one of the top three shonen along with Bleach and One Piece.
The reason for this? My guess is its narrative. Naruto Uzumaki is a young orphan who is a resident of the Hidden Leaf Village. His dream is to one day become the Hokage (basically like…ninja president). Despite this, he is constantly bullied and ostracized by the people of the village, being called a monster and dangerous by adults and children alike.
But why? Naruto’s body is essentially what ended the Third Great Ninja War. His late father, Minato Namikaze sealed the Nine-Tailed Fox Kurama (literally a tailed beast?! WTF) inside of Naruto’s infant body, preventing Kurama from destroying the village. Trying to save their child, Minato and Kushina Uzumaki (his mama) both die that night and the war ends.
But isn’t Naruto a hero? Didn’t his whole family save these ungrateful ass people? NOPE. AND YEAH…WHO CARES THO LOL. Naruto is now a Jinchuriki, which means he holds a tailed beast inside of his body. And uh….a lot of people have this issue lmao. Like…eight more people to be exact. BECAUSE THERE are EIGHT MORE BEASTS WHAT THE FU-
Okay. So we get the story. Naruto Uzumaki plays the role of the underdog.
But here’s where things take a turn. I’m sorry there’s gonna be a lot of curse words and asterisks but I do not care. Like it is infuriating. Obviously, Naruto is set up to be sort of the hero, “I am the good guy HAHA”, ruler of worlds. Right? So like obviously…we need like an anti-hero. My boy…Sasuke Uchiha.
This kid is a complex character in every way, shape, and form. Sasuke’s brother, Itachi ended up killing his entire clan. Sasuke is basically in the same boat as Naruto…except Sasuke is a fu**ing d***. Here’s a short list of why:
At this point though, I’m only talking about the first installment of the series. During this long arc, a lot goes down okay. I won’t get into specifics- but here’s a rundown. Naruto is basically a walking “L” in the ninja community, he doesn’t know like any jutsu and he’s a dunce. But, he still has Kurama, which is a permanent advantage. Sasuke, on the other hand, is like a whole a** prodigy and is like “hi, watch me throw this kunai,” “I’m too cool for ninja school,” and my favorite, “I’m gonna murder my bro lmao.”
And of course, Naruto the boy is like, “wow, Sasuke is kinda a show-off, he’s my RiVal I guess???” And then boom bam the fight for who is better begins:
Who does Sakura like more? (not u, Naruto sorry!)
Who is the cooler ninja man? (not u Uzumaki! L8R SKR)
Who can learn this faster? (honestly…it depends I mean Naruto does have a lot of chakra that Sasuke just can’t obtain you know…but then again I don’t know probably not u Naruto tbh)
The work of Masashi Kishimoto is obviously one to be reckoned with, but Christ. There are several things that didn’t only annoy me BUT MADE ME ABSOLUTELY LIVID. But most of this has to do with the members of Team 7:
Sakura Haruno has a few characteristics: she’s strong-willed, she’s mean, she’s naive, and most importantly, she loves Sasuke-Kun. UwU. But no, we need to talk about the hate she receives as a character and how most negate her physical strength as a kunoichi. The fact that she is one of the strongest females in the series does not matter because how terrible she is for the majority of the show. This isn’t only Sakura, though. It’s all women on the show. But for argument purposes, let us use Sakura.
Sakura is a strong ninja. Or should I say: Sakura becomes a strong ninja. At the beginning of Naruto, she was actually super useless. I know that’s a meme, but in this era of the show, the statement definitely rang true. This is more seen when she does nothing in the second arc of the show in the Land of Waves Arc. She literally…just kinda sits there with the kunai. The only thing she really has going for her at this point is that she’s book smart. And that didn’t really matter, because, in the written part of the Chunin Exam, the kids were kinda supposed to utilize their powers to cheat. So…good one?
When discussing the turning point in the show, I would say it is the thirty-second episode in the original anime called, “Sakura Blossoms.” In this episode, Sakura is all alone to fend for herself. Of course, she doesn’t do anything major but she holds her own. She gets belittled by the enemy and is almost killed, but LET’S NOT FOCUS ON THAT. Let’s focus on the fact that she cut her hair and held the enemy off long enough until Team 10 (Jake Paul and Gang ) arrives.
Why is this important though? During this time in the anime, Sakura is self-aware of how little she does for Team 7. She always feels like she is the one who never carries her weight saying, “I always say that I like Sasuke. I always act like I know everything and lecture Naruto. I always just watch them from behind.” So, she vows to herself that she will be the one that will be watched one day. It’s this self-awareness that prevents Sakura from being a badly written character. She sees her shortcomings and decides to work on it so she can be a valuable member of Team 7.
This is also a big change because Sakura is a character that was very concerned with about how she looked. In fact, it was Ino who encouraged her to embrace her features. (to be exact…her forehead.) When they both liked the same guy, they became rivals, with Sakura choosing to grow her hair because “Sasuke LoVeS gIrLs WiTh LoNg HaIr.” But when she cuts off that hair, she chooses to put her life as a shinobi and respect as an individual over her long quest to be Sasuke’s lady.
And the worst of this: Sakura becomes a terrible person. She is the one who was made fun of for her insanely humongous forehead, and she uses her newfound popularity with the boys (thanks headband) to bully. The victim of this? The butt of every joke? None other than Naruto Uzumaki, who was alone (just like her) in the beginning. And some may think I’m exaggerating, but she really is terrible. On the first day of being on Team 7, she bad mouths Naruto, saying “Think about it. He just does whatever comes into his head. But if you don’t have parents to tell you, how would you know? He’s selfish and bratty, he’s all alone.”
The only reasons she shuts up is when Sasuke comes for her throat, telling her she was annoying and explaining what it’s like to be alone (because you know…rip). Only because Sasuke thinks what she’s saying is wrong, does she pull back and begins changing her opinion on him.
Speaking of this quest for Sasuke, Sakura actually kind of became more of a manipulative snake in Shippuden am I right? Although Sakura is smart and somewhat of an established ninja at this point, she still pines over Sasuke in a pathetic kind of way. Sasuke at this point of the series…is basically off the rails. So Naruto, having a big man crush a strong love for friendship goes after Sasuke. But to stop him, Sakura uses something against Naruto that can be used to her advantage-Naruto’s incessant love for her. She uses a false confession to both “rid Naruto of his burden” and save Sasuke? From who? From himself? WhaT?
So Naruto obviously, sees this snake for what she is….uh a snake. And says, “I don’t love no THOTS” and gets yeeted into the Kamui dimension. I wish. But this is what made me lose most of my respect for Sakura. She had a lot going for her: some training from Lady Tsunade, some use as a ninja, I don’t know… self-respect? But here, it’s clear that Sakura has no qualms about anyone but herself. Her ridiculous fantasy of being the one Sasuke chooses, her petty wish to win in her rivalry against Ino, her attachment to one of the most complicated **daddies** in the show-Sasuke.
But why? In the beginning, it seemed like Sakura only liked Sasuke for his killer good looks…but over time it is clear that she wants to help him through his pain. Sasuke however, puts any relationship at the end of his priority list. I mean…he is a character with a lot of pent up anger and ruthlessness, and this is something that Sakura fails to acknowledge. It’s almost like she acts like it’s not there.
“The truth is.. I’ve always known in my heart, there was nothing I could have done for you. But I love you..!! No matter what’s happened, I still care for you more than I can bear.. If I could had taken all your pain… onto myself to comfort you, I would have.. and here we are again, and still all I can do is sit here and cry. …I’m so pathetic..! But.. Sasuke-kun! If I still have a place in your heart, no matter how small it may be.. then please.. I’m begging you, don’t slip away any further..! If we just all stayed together.. forever.. Then I’m sure.. some day.. things would go back to how they used to be..”
I believe after saying this, he tries killing her.
But it’s Sakura’s constant push for love that was unrequited that ended up hurting her as a ninja. On multiple occasions, she has shown that her feelings rule over her logic, a fatal flaw in many of Naruto‘s characters. But Sakura time and time again tries putting her own life in danger to “save” Sasuke, to “help” Sasuke, to shoot her goddamn shot. Frankly, if she wanted his respect, she would’ve worked harder to become even stronger without him. To work hard so she could’ve been able to fight on her own.
Sidenote- but why do the creators of the show constantly go back to the scene where Sasuke is going to leave the Hidden Leaf Village? The one where Sakura goes to stop him and he literally knocks her ass out unconscious? Is that not a fucking warning sign? The way of the shinobi that serious? He definitely could’ve just…ourtun her. Like damn.
But where many people get Sakura’s character wrong is when compared to the Konoha 11. In Swagkage’s video, he explains how she doesn’ t stack up to any members. The flaw in this argument is that Sakura has nothing to build on. All of the Konoha 11 and the sand boys have a Kekkei Genkai or tailed beast or special ability that pushes them above the rest
What does Sakura get? Nothing. She gets a kunai and is sent off on her way. How can she be of any use when she just isn’t born special? The Haruno clan is never mentioned in the series. She has nothing but her kunai, nothing but the reality that she isn’t good enough. Fortunately, this is what pushes her to find that ability that can make her special. And that was training with Lady Tsunade and becoming stronger than her by the end of the war.
From where she began, a useless ninja with nothing but a kunai and a love for Sasuke, she became…the baddie with the bad haircut. She became the student who learned medical ninjutsu with Lady Tsunade. She became the fighter who worked with Lady Chiyo to kill Sasori. Lastly, though-she finally became a useful member of Team 7 who fought to be one of the best- to finally *somewhat* compare to her comrades who began LEAGUES ABOVE HER.
Jinkies, it's Imani! 